Churner online dating
Agony of Defeat: What marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from. The only known substance that will make a woman beautiful when taken internally - by her escort. It should never be loaded into your computer’s memory. Altos: Not to be confused with “Tom’s toes”, “Bubba’s toes, ”, or “Dori-toes. Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid only in cash - not by cheque. A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there; 3. Applause: Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; Applause during the speech is an act of hope; Applause after he has concluded is an act of charity. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. Australia: A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island. A selfish, inconsiderate rat who is depriving some deserving woman of her rightful alimony; 34. Bad Husband: The only thing that beats a good wife. Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers. Balanced Budget: When money in the bank and the days of the month come out together. Bald Eagle: Large bird too vain to buy a hairpiece. Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another. Beergasm: The climatic moment when you take the first sip at the end of the day. Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Beggar: One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work. A poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. Ambleside: The talk given about the Facts Of Life by a father to his son whilst walking in the garden on a Sunday afternoon. A shuttle between a speeding motorcycle and a wheelchair; 2. Ashdod: Any object against which a smoker habitually knocks out his pipe. Ast: (Southern) To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks information about illegal moonshine stills. It makes me mad.” Asteroid: Mathematical name for a toilet seat. Astronaut: A whirled traveller - the only man who is glad to be down and out. Astrovertisement: An advertisement fashioned on the earth’s surface, of such a size that it can be picked up by satellite imaging. The religion devoted to the worship of one’s own smug sense of superiority; 2. Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded. A book that proves that the only thing wrong with its author is his memory; 2. Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person. An eligible mass of obstinacy entirely surrounded by suspicion; 27. Something that’s so reasonable they won’t take it back when you find out what’s wrong with it; 6. An outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused; 3. Beccles: The small bone buttons placed in bacon sandwiches by unemployed dentists. Beehive: An order given by bees to their misbehaving children. Carbonated, malt-based, alcohol beverage which, when drunk in quantity, will keep your husband chubby, out of shape, slow witted, gassy and sexually unappealing. Belper: A knob of someone else’s chewing gum which you unexpectedly find your hand resting on under the passenger seat of your car or on somebody’s thigh under their skirt.
Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record. Absolute Zero: The lowest grade you can get on a test. When boys begin to notice that girls notice boys who notice girls; 10. The age when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes; 12. Advertising Agency: Eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission. That which the wise don’t need and fools won’t take; 3. A garment with no hooks but plenty of eyes on it; 2. The only place in a government agency where the bureaucrats usually know what they are doing; 3. When a man marries a beautiful girl and a good cook; 6. Bilious: That nauseated feeling you get when you open the mail the first of the month. Billow: What you sleep on when you have a bad cold. Biplane: The advice I got from my mother on purchasing underwear. Book Ends: The part of a book many girls read first. Book Review: A brief but informative essay that spares readers the ordeal of digesting an actual book. Books Never Written Bookworm: A person who would rather read than eat, or a worm that would rather eat than read. Boomerang Workers: Retirees returning to their previous employer. One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself; 10. A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies. Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date; 4. Contraceptive: A labor-saving device to be worn on every conceivable occasion. What you tell the police officer after the burglar has already escaped. Corn-On-The-Cob: The stuff you eat like you play a mouth organ. Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. Counter-Irritant: The woman who shops all day and buys nothing. Country: A damp sort of place where all sorts of birds fly about uncooked.
Absent-Mindedness: Searching for the horse you are riding. Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be; 2. The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible; 13. The one thing which it is “more blessed to give than receive;” 4. You never know whether it’s good or not until you no longer need it; 6. Two or more pieces of contrary angling information contained in a single phrase or sentence; 8. Awkward Age: When girls are too old to count on their fingers and too young to count on their legs. Typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when; 2. Bathel: To pretend to have read the book under discussion when in fact you’ve only seen the TV series. A girl who has a lovely profile all the way down; 2. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom. Having one husband too many and monogamy is frequently the same thing; 3. When a man marries a beautiful girl and a good housewife; 7. Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bookbag: A large container in which students store candy bars, gum, combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos, sunglasses, student IDs, loose change, magazines, and (occasionally) books. Boomeritis: The range of sports-related injuries incurred by baby boomers as they pursue health and physical fitness programs into their old age (such as bursitis, tendonitis, sprains, strains & stress fractures). Border Crossers: Multi-skilled employees who feel comfortable jumping from job to job inside a firm. A man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company; 7. One who is interesting to a point - the point of departure; 11. The kind of man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you; 13. Boss Of The Family: Whoever can spend fifty dollars without thinking it necessary to say anything about it. Botany: The art of insulting flowers in Greek and Latin. Boundary: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other. Any ordinary guy more that 50 miles from home or office. Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it. Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness. Corral Enterprises: A company with a lot of stockholders. An arsenal of facial enhancements commonly applied in excess by women and male celebrities who feel the need to look embalmed; 3. Cost Of Living: The difference between your net income and your gross habits. A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example; 2.
Ah: (Southern) The thing you see with, denoting individuality. Alderman: An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding. When a bride continues to get wedding gifts after the divorce; 15. That which enables a woman who at one time lived happily married to live happily unmarried; 17. Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world. Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. Anatomy: Something that everybody has, but it looks much better on a girl. Arahnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Animal Rights: A loopy, well-intentioned activist movement that, in its extreme form, harbors more compassion for a captive circus elephant than for the hapless trainer on whose face it sits. Anthologist: A lazy fellow who like to spend a quiet evening at home “raiding a good book.” Antibody: 1. Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend. An object that has made a round trip to the attic; 2. Appeaser: One who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last. Apron: A large primate moving very fast on his feet. Arab: A man who will pull down a whole temple to have a stone to sit on. The science of digging around to find another civilization to blame ours on; 3. Archaeology: A science that proves you can’t keep a good man down. Ardelve: To make a big display of searching all your pockets when approached by a charity collector. A man who has taken many a girl out but has never been taken in; 38. A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit; 40. Bachelor Girl: A girl who is still looking for a bachelor. Badaptation: A bad movie version of a good book Badify: To make something worse.
Usage: “Ah think Ah’ve got somethin’ in mah ah.” Ahead: The thing on top of your neck. Air: A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor. Alfred Nobel: A man who endowed the world with dynamite and prizes to discourage its use. Giving comfort to the enemy; 7 man’s best proof that you have to pay for your mistakes; 8. The sum of money a man is commanded to pay his ex-wife in exchange for the pleasure of having her live under a separate roof; 18. American History: The replacement of the red Indian by red tape. Animals: Creatures that do not grab for more when they have enough. Annualism: Books written by authors who show off their powers of endurance by doing something odd for a year. Something no one would be seen with if there were more of them; 3. Appendicitis: A modern pain, costing about ,000 more than the old-fashioned stomach ache. Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work for Mc Donald’s. Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. Are: (Southern) Possessive case of “we” used as a predicate adjective (? A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first; 2. Arrested Development: Prerequisite for success as a radio DJ or a social satirist. Like morality, art consists in drawing the line somewhere. Art School: A place for young girls to pass the time between high school and marriage. The only man who has never told his wife a lie; 41. Bachelor’s Life: Just one un-darned thing after another.